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Monday, September 22, 2008

How many cars does it take to drive John McCain?

Thirteen ... yes, I said 13 ... And it's exactly how many he should have, because when John McCain was a POW for five years, he didn't have a car... Hey, look, there's a lady in a car, let's ask her what she thinks...

Oh, never mind... awkwaaaard....

Meanwhile, as for that scrawny, snotty whippersnapper Barack Obama, he's only managed to get himself one car. Barack Obama: not enough cars... not ready to lead. (I'm John McCain and I approved this mess ... age.)

Friday, August 29, 2008


John McCain says "damn the torpedoes!" He torpedoes the Mittster and picks this lady:

Well, who the hell is that, you say? Why, it's just hinted at for the first time this week, one-term Alaska Governor Sarah Palin! Oh just call Ted Stevens. He'll explain...

Is it just me, or does it seem like the McCain team simply wandered through the halls of the Pepsi Center looking for the first PUMA who looked halfway put together to offer the veep spot to?


The right wing radio hacks are right on board. Glenn Beck got his talking points bright and early this morning and began shilling for the ticket in exhuberant fashion. He even went so far as to call Palin "hot." Now that'll close the gender gap... Rush is holding forth now, extolling Palin and daring Democrats to attack her. Ditto O'Reilly, who just had a Hillary delegate on, who first told the Factor she "leaned Obama" and then announced that she's "McCain all the way..." uh-huh...

You've got to figure that this happened because the McCain team pannicked, and decided they needed drama more than they needed Romney's 3-Ms (Money, Mormons (in swing state Colorado) and Michigan, where his father was a popular governor.) Romney would have been the expected pick, but not at all sexy. And then there's his fourth "M" -- Mansions. After McCain's 8-10 houses gaffe, that boat had a significant leak in it. Either way, the Mittster got bumped, as did the seminally dull Tim Pawlenty (sorry RedState.)

And there you go. McCain will shift his campaign theme on a dime, "Obama hates America," to "hey ladies, look over here!" The McCain camp is banking on their being literally millions of female Hillary supporters who were in it only to see a woman in the White House, not specifically Hillary. That's a risky gamble. And Palin doesn't exactly cut the profile most women voters tend to gravitate to. She's hardcore anti-choice, and she's into ... um ... the aerial hunting of wolves and bears. How to sell that to Jane America? Actually, with that voice and bun in her hair, she kind of reminds me of that supervisor in my past jobs that I just freaking hated, you know what I mean?

Bottom line: the McCain pick was made from a weak position. They were clearly spooked by the McMansions thing, and by the convention, Democratic unity, and the Obama speech. The decision to throw Mitt overboard for a woman nobody knows, who has a scandal bag to uncover, and who undercuts McCain's "experience" argument seems like a hell of a chance to take just to score some PUMAs.

Cross-posted at the ReidBlog.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

John McCain to celebrate ... and avoid ... milestone

John McCain will apparently announce his vice presidential choice on his birthday Friday, which just happens to be the three year anniversary of the day Hurricane Katrina made landfall in Louisiana.

I wonder where our hero, John McCain was on that day in 2005 ...

Meanwhile Politico reports that ... surprise! Karl Rove is no ordinary Fox News analyst. He's also a veep killer...

Republican strategist Karl Rove called Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.) late last week and urged him to contact Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to withdraw his name from vice presidential consideration, according to three sources familiar with the conversation.

Lieberman dismissed the request, these sources agreed.

Lieberman “laughed at the suggestion and certainly did not call [McCain] on it,” said one source familiar with the details.

“Rove called Lieberman,” recounted a second source. “Lieberman told him he would not make that call.”

Rove did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

Rove, President Bush’s former top campaign adviser and arguably the most prominent political operative of the past generation, has no formal role in McCain’s campaign. But he knows much of the Arizona senator’s high command and has been offering informal advice, both over the phone and in his position as a Fox News analyst, since McCain wrapped up the GOP nomination.

His decision to wade into the vice presidential selection process could provide Democrats fresh ammunition to tie McCain to the polarizing Bush.

It is also chafing some Lieberman allies and others wary of the selection of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

“Rove is pushing Romney so aggressively some folks are beginning to wonder what's going on,” grumbled one veteran Republican strategist.

Meanwhile, ailing columnist Robert Novak says it ain't gonna happen, Joe... and he offers an intriguing look into John McCain's "friends..."
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Reports of strong support within John McCain's presidential campaign for Independent Democratic Sen. Joseph Lieberman as the Republican candidate for vice president are not a fairy tale. Influential McCain backers, plus McCain himself, would pick the pro-choice liberal from Connecticut if they thought they could get away with it.

But they can't get away with it -- and this has been made clear to McCain by none other than Joe Lieberman himself.

Lieberman surely doesn't know that much about Republican politics, but he has close Republican friends. One of them prevailed on Lieberman to tell McCain that a McCain-Lieberman ticket would be a disaster for all concerned, and especially for the GOP.
The stories are so similar, that you've got to wonder whether the "friend" is indeed Karl Rove...

Monday, August 25, 2008

A noun, a verb, and POW

John McMansions did "Leno' tonight ... always good to be in the presence of a Tinseltown Republican... and he waxed light and airy about his age...
"My social security number is eight."
... he shared a guffaw with Jay about ... his age...
And to McCain, Leno apologized for not having a birthday cake because, "the fire marshall said that many candles..."
And yucked it up about the contretemps over his and his second wife's many homes ... countdown to the POW reference in three... two... one...

After their opening segment together on the stage, Leno came back from a commercial break to ask McCain, “For $1 million, how many houses do you have?”

McCain answered by first citing his time as a POW in Vietnam.

“Could I just mention to you, Jay, that, at a moment of seriousness,” McCain began, “I spent five-and-a-half years in a prison cell. I didn't have a house. I didn't have a kitchen table. I didn't have a table. I didn't have a chair. And I didn't spend those five-and-a-half years because, not because I wanted to get a house when I got out.

“We spend our time in a condominium in Washington, in a condominium in Phoenix, sometime over here in the state of California, and we have a place up in northern Arizona,” McCain continued, explaining how his campaign got to the number four in the count. (McCain is being conservative: ABC News’s count is ten homes on eight properties.)

Take THAT, Maureen Dowd!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Take my wife, please!

John McCain may not know how many houses he's got, but he knows who signs the papers (hint: it's Miss Buffalo Chip...

The Great Mormon Hope?

Mitt Romney: He's rich, bitch!

John McCain's snappy response to the skinny, elitist kid's pick of a fellow elitist as his running mate (son of a working class car salesman, ha! Commuting to Washington by train every day so he can be home with his kids! Ha! Having a "second job" as a "law professor..." double HA! Got any lattes in those professor bags, pointy headed geeks? ... Son soon to be deployed to Ira... (sigh)... more couscous, please...) is nothing compared to the fantastic roll-out our boy has planned for HIS v.p. pick ... millionaire Mormon business maverick Mitt Romney!

Together, the McCain Romney ticket has 2 wives (three if you count the one McCain ditched for heiress Cindy, and we're still working to confirm that Romney hasn't fallen too close to the 12 wife family tree...) 11 homes (8 for McCain ... so far ... and 3 for the Mittster,) a combined net worth of a third of a billion dollars, and one of them has an awful lot of hair... black, shiny hair...!

Both have "massaged" their positions on issues (but they would neeever mention it in public... would they...?)

Both are belatedly semi-reliably pro-life, and both know squat lots about the economy (whew! Thank goodness for Phil Gramm ... Okay, scratch that... did I mention Romney managed the U.S. Olympic Committee?
The day Mitt Romney took over the scandal-tainted Salt Lake City Olympics in 1999, he pledged not to exploit the role for political gain and announced that he would not accept any severance pay when he finished the job. Public records indicate he did otherwise.

Romney not only accepted a $476,000 severance package from the Salt Lake Organizing Committee, according to federal tax records, but he helped to lobby the committee for similarly large pacts for his 25 senior managers, 17 of whom contributed to his 2002 Massachusetts gubernatorial campaign or the state Republican Party soon after the Winter Games.

Romney donated the severance package money as well as his Olympic salary to charity, his spokesman says, and Romney himself says that soliciting campaign contributions from friends and colleagues is a common and legitimate practice.

In addition to tapping senior managers, Romney also solicited donations from the organizing committee's 53-member board of trustees, 14 of whom contributed to his campaign or political action committees during his governorship. Romney also received political funds from individuals associated with companies such as Nu Skin, Questar, and NBC that sponsored or did business with the organizing committee.

More recently, branches of Romney's Commonwealth Political Action Committee accepted $10,000 from a businessman and family friend who pleaded guilty to a tax fraud charge and was one of the two individuals held culpable for wrongdoing in the Olympic scandal.

All told, Romney reaped more than $1.5 million in campaign funds during his governorship from individuals and families with ties to the Olympics.

Okay, maybe we shouldn't mention that... Massachusetts! (... are they still doing that gay marriage stuff...?) Oh, and while John McCain served his country admirably as the ONLY POW EVER TO BE HELD IN VIETNAM ... EVER... Mitt Romney's fine sons also served their country with honor and glory ... on his campaign bus.

And best of all, Mitt and Mac are the best of friends ... sort of. Well, isn't hate just love, only inside-out? ... It'll be fine ... really it will ...